Horrible Memories and Dreadful Decisions
by Couture Girl
Summary: Only one memory comes to mind when he sees those horrible creatures. But this time, someone else comes in mind as well. And Theodore Nott has to make an unselfish decision-even if it hurts Luna and him.


**AN: Written for Cierra's Fanfiction Idol. Round 3. 'First'.**

**Endles thank to the wonderful HyperCaz!**

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Theodore walked with Blaise towards the Giant's cabin for their Care of Magical Creatures lesson. Zabini tried to get Theo into a conversation about Quidditch, but it was no use. Theodore was more silent than usual. And Blaise knew him, knew when to ask and when not to; sooner or later Blaise would know.

Coming to a stop, Theodore raised his green eyes and looked around at his fellow classmates. They all seemed so happy and carefree. Taking a deep breath, he bit his tongue. In a way he was feeling happy; finally his wish had been granted. He was a Death Eater – he had been marked that summer. His relationship with Luna was still going, but not like before. Something had broken.

Theo knew what it was. His other personality was showing its face and causing fear to Luna. She hadn't even sat in the same compartment as him – that day he had been running late and when he went to the last compartment he noticed she was with Potter, Longbottom and the Weaslette. And then he had wanted to spend some time with her before class, but the simplest thing had angered him and made her cower a bit.

Before he could think more of it or listen to Nott's taunting jibes, the voice of the Giant made him look up. The Giant was standing by the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

When the Giant said that _they_ preferred the dark, a chill overcame Theodore's body. He knew for a fact what creature – what horrible creature – preferred the dark. It seemed that today was not his day. Zabini was close behind him as they walked to the Forest.

"Draco is a bit jumpy," Zabini stated. Theodore who was biting his lip turned to look at Blaise and saw Malfoy – indeed he was.

The Giant held out red raw meat and then performed the scream. Stupid Giant – he didn't need to scream to make those horrid creatures appear. Everyone looked around nervously except for Theodore. He knew what the Giant was going to show them and he hated him for it.

Blaise nudged him. "Mate, what's going on?" Zabini knew that Nott liked to take his nightly walks in the Forest.

Before he could answer, Theodore saw the all too familiar pair of blank, white, shiny eyes, the dragonish face and skeletal body of the winged Thestral. It swished its long black tail and it bowed its head, then with its pointed fangs began eating the cold piece of meat, making Theodore frown in distaste. It was horrible when they were eating.

"Now…put yer hands up, who can see 'em?" The Giant's voice entered his ears.

Theodore's hand slowly went up, a chill overtaking his body.

"Righ', now, who can tell me why some o' you can see them an' some can't?

He knew the answer – he had known it when he was eight after reading the book that he had found in the library in the Manor. The Mudblood spoke up in that annoying ringing know-it-all tone. "The only people who can see Thestrals are people who have seen death."

Blaise looked at Theodore with understanding eyes, putting the pieces together.

Theodore remembered the first time he had laid eyes on those horrible creatures. Shaking from head to toe, he couldn't help but remember that dreadful cold moment when his emerald eyes – just like his mother's – had seen into a Thestral's milky white eyes for the first time.

Gulping, Theodore began to feel not only disgust for this ugly creature but hatred too. Pure hatred for it, just like he felt for his father.

…..

It had been in his first year of Hogwarts.

The weedy Theodore Nott looked around the full corridor of the train. Zabini was behind him with a big grin on his face and Theodore couldn't help but grin back. Finally he was where he wanted to be. Hogwarts. Far away from the abusive father who had given him the scars that lined his body from his neck to his toes.

Shuffling slowly out of the train he felt the first sting of the night air hit his mousy face and a rush of adrenaline shot through his body. He could smell pine trees and when he stepped down onto the platform he looked around with eyes of amazement. Just a few minutes more and he would be in his new home.

He immediately lost sight of Blaise. Students much older than him began to push, trying to get him to move. His stringy body was of no help as the older students shoved him. He was buried in a sea of students and he couldn't find his way back to the first years. Theodore felt anxious now – what if he couldn't find them and was sent back to the Manor forever? Quickly his scarred hands pushed back at the bodies. He did not stop to apologize.

A few minutes later he was finally out. He let out a deep breath and his hands went to his knees. His trunk was beside him; he had dropped it when he had escaped the sea of people. After several long moments of catching his breath what sounded like a snort of a horse made him look up.

His eyes slowly rose to meet skeletal legs and then a wide yet hollowed skeletal body. Leathery wings accompanied the body, opening like a bat's. His green eyes bulged at the sight, then more so when he saw its reptilian features and its milky, detached eyes that stared intently at him.

His breath caught and he started to shake.

Theodore wanted to turn back and walk away and look for Malfoy and Zabini, but it seemed he was rooted there, looking into the hollow eyes of the most horrible, disgusting, scariest creature he had encountered in his life. And even though his body wasn't responding, his mind was racing.

He knew what it was. A Thestral. Theodore had read about them when he was eight. He knew every single detail about this terrifying creature. He knew right away why he had the bad luck to see it.

Theodore Nott had seen his young and beautiful mother die at the hands of his aging and despicable father when he had been just seven years old.

Tears, weak tears, wanted to escape his green eyes, but he wouldn't let them. He would not be weak in front of this creature! Theodore bit his lip, drawing blood. It seemed that the Thestral had cast a spell on him, freezing him and making him remember how his sweet mother had died.

"_Come, Teddy. We must be silent."_

His hands fisted at his sides, making his scars and veins show against his pale skin. His lip curled, showing perfect white teeth. He mentally cursed the Thestral for taunting him.

"_Mummy, I'm sleepy."_

"_Shh, Teddy. Just a few steps more and we'll be there."_

The Thestral's wings opened as if the creature was telling Theodore that it knew why he could see it, who he had seen killed.

"_Where are we going, Mummy?"_

"_Somewhere far away."_

Closing his eyes and biting his lip, he let out a whimper as the memory shot through his body like a Cruciatus Curse, making him tremble in agony. They hadn't even reached the gardens! His father had caught them before they could Apparate with Milly, the house elf. And he had been too scared and _weak_ to defend her. His mother had been so young, a frail leaf against her husband's touch.

Behind his closed eyes, Theodore could only see red and lifeless green eyes. Cold. She was cold and not warm and her smile was gone and she looked so battered and broken, like a porcelain doll.

"Theodore!"

A hand gripped his shoulder tightly, shaking him, making Theodore open his eyes and look at the young Italian boy beside him.

"I've been looking everywhere for you," Blaise said. "Come on, or we'll miss everybody else."

Theodore looked back and noticed that the Thestral wasn't there; it must have left. Taking a deep breath, he kneeled to collect his trunk and with detached movements he followed Blaise.

…..

He had seen the creatures ever since his first year. Even now, Theodore was haunted by the same memory of his dead mother looking at him with hollow eyes – just like the Thestral. And Theodore hated them so much. Because they reminded him that the first person that had loved him unconditionally had been killed by a lunatic, a dark and selfish man who had claimed to loved her.

But seeing it now, not only did the memory of his dead mother come to mind, but another person did as well. Luna. She would share the same fate as his dead mother. He was slowly becoming like his hated father – not only did he look like him, but he was starting to act like him.

And Luna's blue dreamy eyes would hold fear and sadness in them when he finally lost control in front of her and she would glimpse his other personality.

The Thestral this time wasn't taunting him. It was telling, foreshadowing, advising him that if he kept on being selfish he would hurt until he killed the person that he loved with all his heart. Just like his father had done to his mother so long ago.

In that moment, Theodore knew that he had to break things off with his lover, even if he didn't want to. Gulping, he looked back at the milky hollow eyes of the horrid creature.

Theodore Nott would not be selfish like his father.

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**AN: I had to write the 'first' for something. So I chose the first time Theodore saw a Thestral. So I hope you like it and please review on your thoughts.**


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